Welcome

"How could a loving God blind me? Why? Anyway He told me that God's plan is like a beautiful tapestry and the tragedy of being human is we only get to see it from the back. with all the raged threads and muddy colors. We only get a hint at the true beauty that would be reveled if we could see the whole pattern.... As God does."- Matt Murdock Season 3 Episode 13. This quote, while yes, shallow, or at least a little shallow in my opinion, has a lot of weight and meaning to me. Matt is blind, and is still a bit hurt that God allowed it, still. though, in 3 seasons, and the death of his spiritual director has come to know the Catholicness of being, well... Catholic. Pain. I feel like, as Catholics, we wish pain to make us "worthy." Almost like diamonds. In May I had the honor of seeing a friend get ordained a priest. What a wonderful experience, but, as i came back home I felt sadness. My friends don't live remotely close to me, and as I work and go to school I realize I don't make an effort to even try. I felt, for the first time as a fully formed adult, empty.... But in the best way possible. I, for the first time, while feeling horrible about not having friends and being a horrible friend to the ones I have, felt joy. That is a feeling I've never let go of since. I've only gotten that hint of the tapestry. I want to ask the woman I have a crush on out in a date, I want to be a lawyer, I want more, but, I also know that my wants, are just that. Mine. If it be His will, let it be done, though they both are achievable by only me, if marriage is my vocation, let it be done. Pain, while yes, painful is apart of sainthood. I ask all of you who read. What is your tapestry? what muddy colors are actually your beautiful mosaics?